Soooo its been a while. That is actually what every entry in my journal says, since the entries are months and sometimes years apart. It should say something that I have one that I originally purchased in 2009. I get super excited about sharing my thoughts and feelings and having a record of what is going on with me, for like a minute. Tops. Then I’m over it and back to my normal insane life. But this blog has been on my mind a lot lately, so here we go again. Maybe this time I’ll post more frequently than oh say, every 7 months. No promises though. 🙂
This whole idea started a LONG time ago, during a period I like to call the-year-i-wish-i-could-forget better known as 2009. Most people who know me or my family know it was basically a nightmare. The details are for another post, or maybe 500, but basically it was the worst year. Ever. Like ever ever ever. (Except I did get married at the end…which was an awesome part, but there was a lot of bad before then).
During this horrible excuse for a year, I was given the opportunity to work with disadvantaged youth at a non profit organization. It was an incredible experience, and definitely one of the most challenging situations I had ever been in. At the beginning I was having a really difficult time adjusting. It wasn’t where I wanted to be, I was grieving the loss of not one, but two family members, and I was struggling with my faith to put it VERY politely. Suddenly, I realized it helped a little bit if I put on Facebook the incredible things I was hearing and witnessing. Now, to be fair, back then in good old 2009, Facebook was not what it was now. Let’s be honest Facebook had barely progressed to the point where you didn’t have to have a college email account at the time. No business pages, no grandmas, no children. Wayyyy back. 🙂
I found as I shared what was literally going on in my crazy job every day, I was able to process at least that portion of things and it helped me laugh my way through it. I mean, someone’s birth certificate actually ready “Milli-yon-aiireee” as the middle name. That’s “millionaire” folks, millionaire. I couldn’t have made those statuses up if I tried. I heard a lot during that time, “You should start a blog!” but truly, ain’t nobody got time for that. I had a wedding to plan and a year to survive, and at the end of the day I think I’m funny, but sometimes other people do not. So there’s that.
I’m skipping a lot…but fast forward with me to 2011, and I had a baby. And let me freaking tell you if I thought working with alleged criminals was tough, this is a whole different ball game. Good thing I still have my textbooks from my Asymetrical Warfare classes, because that is the prep material every mother needs. Don’t get me wrong, its my greatest joy, my only purpose and the absolute best thing that has ever happened to me, but its really hard. So again, I noticed publishing my daily adventures helped me keep some perspective, feel like I still had a sense of community, and laugh a little bit at all the really really hard parts that come along with motherhood.
So we started a “moms” blog. I’m lucky enough to have my BFF’s here close to me and we all had sweet little nuggets who are all just a few months a part. (I recommend using the buddy system when attempting to have children, ps). We all have different strengths and life situations, so we thought it would be awesome to pool our collective resources and put out some fun and *hopefully* helpful stuff for our friends and family. Which was awesome at first, then it kinda died out. Mostly because all of our lives changed kind of drastically right around last April. It was all good change, but even good change is hard sometimes.
After a particularly ridiculous experience while trying to correct my now 20 month old, I of course turned to my old friend, Facebook. I had a conversation with my parents after this post, and they kept saying “you should just blog about all of this!”, and my immediate response was just “No, not now”.
Things are hard now. I’m busy now, I work more than part time for a marketing agency, luckily a lot from home, but I’m also trying to parent a 20 month old who really hates it when mommy has “work time”, oh and a husband, a house, groceries, errands, and all of those damn Pinterest projects I can’t seem to stop obsessing over. But I can’t stop thinking about how every time I do actually sit down and write out what’s going on up in this head of mine here, I feel SO much better. Honestly I know its not rocket science but I seem to have a difficult time “getting it”. So this is me, back in the saddle, if you will.
I’m trying to get better about sharing, about honestly discussing this totally nuts and totally amazing life I have, and hoping that maybe someone out there feels a little bit better about themselves because of it. I mean,
“To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Right? Its not the be all, end all purpose and existence of my life, but if I have to stumble through this mess, someone else should get to laugh about it.